Friday, February 13, 2009

Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From My Dominatrix: On Receptivity

Article three in a series. See previous posts.

Let’s get the following straight so that we can begin on the same page without miscommunication:

What receptivity is NOT:

-Coming into a scene thinking that you already know everything there is to know about being a submissive.
-Topping from the bottom.
-Trying to guess what Mistress wants before she makes a request or gives a command.
-Attempting or suggesting reciprocation for pleasure or sensation given.

Is any of that surprising?

I ask because men do not necessarily spend a lot of time being receptive. Their natural tendency based on societal conditioning is to DO things and then think about them after (maybe). Receptivity is a learned state for men, not because they do not have it within their make-up, but because men are not particularly encouraged to develop that part of themselves while growing up.

Perhaps you have one or two favourites from this list despite the fact that as a submissive you are meant to be receptive to orders, sensation, stimulation, prompting, etc.?

I have observed that many men tend to engage in one or more of the behaviours above, though perhaps not entirely consciously. They are covert ways of being active while under the guise of the submissive role. You will not experience the full pleasure of receptivity until you abandon these by the wayside.

So then what does it mean to be receptive?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines receptivity as “…able or inclined to receive; open and responsive to ideas, impressions, or suggestions.”

If your arms are already carrying lots of boxes, how can you reach out to receive the gift that someone is offering you?
If your glass is already full, how can you sample a different wine?
If you think you already know what is going to happen, how can you be present to what actually does?

The key to receptivity is the state of emptiness. It is only when you are empty of all pre-conceived notions and ideas that you can hope to have room to take in new information or experience. When you step into scene play, start disciplining yourself by making the choice to be receptive to whatever Mistress weaves into your reality in the moment. Taste, touch, smell, and see it for the first time, as though travelling through a new landscape that you have never before explored, no matter how many times you have traversed similar terrain. Re-remember the wonder you had as a child, and apply it!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Everything I Needed to Know About Life I Learned From My Dominatrix: Letting Go of Control

This is article two in a series. See previous posts.

"When you get to the edge of all the light you have, and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must trust that one of two things will happen: that there will be something solid for you to stand upon, or that you will be taught how to fly..." - Anonymous

I admit it. Sometimes I feel like a skydiving instructor. People contact Me saying "I've always wanted to try this but I'm terrified..." So I give them the lay of the land, assure them of safety procedures, and answer all their questions, until the only thing left is for them to show up. They board the plane, I take it up to 4000 feet.... and at the threshold, few and far between are the students who don't need an extra kick in the pants when I yell "JUMP". In fact, most need their fingers pried ruthlessly off the frame of the door having just decided that maybe, actually, they don't want to experience freefall after all and whose silly idea was this anyway?!

This is absolutely normal. And it has to do with your ability (or inability) to let go of control. Take the inability to let go one step further, and we discover what is really behind this seeming irrationality: fear of the unknown.

We are passionately attracted to the unknown, and yet it is one of the most terrifying places for us to be. Based on My studies in human potential and My own experience, I have learned that a possible reason for this phenomenon is as follows: Human beings, consciously or unconsciously, seek out growth experiences. However, when one grow, one becomes someone different than who one was before, which entails a loss of identity. Our egos, creatures of habit that they are, would prefer not to have this loss occur, but it is inevitable. A butterfly is no longer a caterpillar when it escapes its cucoon, and a newly collared slave is no longer free to do as he pleases vis a vis his Mistress. The new state is a rebirth of the self into something new: no more, and no less important than what came before.

Stepping across the threshold into My domain is like breaking out of the crysalis. And you can be certain that I will teach you how to fly...