Sensual Control Versus Sadomasochism

"I fantasize a lot about being dominated by a sexy, powerful woman, but I am not really very much into pain."

Can you relate to this statement? Seems most people who contact Me can - about 75% of new queries that I've received in the last three months contained a variation of this statement, enough to make the social scientist in Me go "Hmmm".

There seems to be a popular misconception out there that Dominas are always sadists (people who get off inflicting pain on others) and that submissives are ALWAYS masochists (people who get off on experiencing pain). This myth is so pervasive that it makes potential submissives doubt themselves and their desires (ie. If they don't like being hurt, then can they still be a good or useful submissive...?)

The answer to that question is: Of course they can!

The term BDSM has a triple meaning: Bondage and Discipline (B/D), Domination and Submission (D/S), and Sadism and Masochism (S/M). Though S/M is only a third of what kinky play encompasses, it gets focused on by popular media because the experience of pain as sexual pleasure is controversial and can be easily sensationalized.

What happens is that the more sensual forms of playing with power, those that focus on administering sensual control or being sensually controlled, get swept under the rug. Things like bondage and restraint, foot/boot/shoe worship, slave training, strap-on play, orgasm restriction, coerced self-stimulation, role play, tease and denial, forced feminization, and sensory deprivation (to name a few) do not necessary involve pain and yet I can promise that you will feel deliciously controlled and overpowered by Me when experiencing them.

If S/M genuinely is your kink, then enjoy it! If it isn't, though, don't second guess your submissive urges. Not everyone is a painslut. As Rumi says, there are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground.