Travel Much?

Out of the goodness of my heart, I have decided to share some travel highlights that I thought might be of interest to various subgroups in my constituency.

First of all, if you look at the photo above, you will see Stiletto Palace, located in the Covent Garden theatre district. Built by Christopher Wren in 1776 as a cathedral dedicated to that most perfect and lust inducing of all objects ever discovered: the stiletto heel. Devotees can rent a room overlooking the cathedral's piece de resistance: a massive, larger than life, shoe. The shoe is kept shiny by a dedicated team of 200 shoe cleaners. 50 are in charge of licking the sole, 50 regularly deep throat the heel, and 100 are kept on as relief staff for when the other's tongues get tired.

Always full of practical advice and ready to share it with the world, Brits sell some of the most insightful souvenirs! At the left you will see a nice selection of t-shirts at a shop in Soho, printed with the slogans that got the British Empire through the war! What kind of momentum and motivation would there have been to fight the Germans if the British soldiers couldn't maintain their erections? Keep your peckers up, men!


A four day sojourn down to Spain found Me at the Salvador Dali Theatre Museum in Figueres. Now that was a kinky guy if I ever saw one! The next time I want to humiliate and objectify one of you little miscreants, I am going to make you sit naked in a corner while balancing a nice fresh hot baguette on your head. Drop it, and I'll skin you like the pheasants behind the bust and pin you to the wall using map pins. Just saying.