Monday, January 26, 2009

Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From My Dominatrix: Deprivation, Denial and Discipline

This is the first article in a series. Read my introduction in a previous post.

What on earth could possibly be good about deprivation and denial, and the discipline that gets learned as a result? If there are three words that inspire absolute repulsion in people it is those three. We live in an addictive society that is all about instant gratification. Press a button, and your groceries end up on your doorstep. Turn on your computer, and you can pick up women without leaving your bedroom. If we have to wait more than five minutes for something we say that it takes too long. It is as though we are contending with a societal pandemic of attention deficit disorder.
One could say that this is a good thing, an indication that we are evolving...but is it? Do we get the same kind of satisfaction from a microwave dinner as we would if we had grown the food ourselves, painstakingly prepared it and carefully cooked it? The former is certainly quicker than the latter. But it is the former that we are more likely to stuff down quickly in front of a television set. Satisfying? Not particularly!
It is the same in a BDSM session, particularly for those who are new to the game. One can look at the deprivation and denial in a session and be frustrated because what one perceives to be one's needs, whatever they are, are not being immediately addressed. Alternately, one can surrender to the deprivation in whatever form it takes, sublimating one's baser instincts for something much more inherently satisfying and fulfilling. This takes quite a lot of discipline and self-control,
but the benefits are significant. According to Tantric belief systems, the occasional circulation within the body of the energy of arousal without reaching a peak, or by taking a longer than usual time to peak, promotes health and vitalizes the organs. It cultivates discipline, which builds the integrity of one's character, teaches patience, and gives a person a sense of accomplishment. Lastly, the next time a "meal" does appear on your plate, ready for consumption, one will be able to slow down and consciously savour the precious gift of it with the satisfaction of knowing that one earned it!

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